Why the Monkeys Washed out Their Ears
Photo: Buddhadāsa Indapañño Archives C05549
“By means of ānāpānasati, I have had a strong direct experience of the impermanence and changeability of all things in the world. I was aware that the body was not my body, the experience was not mine. Just as surely I was aware of a self that was the vehicle of the experience – by this I mean ‘I’ was having the experience. This self was the same self that usually inhabits the body that’s not my body with the same memories and personal identity. My question is although I understand ‘not mine,’ I am confused by ‘not-self.’ So far in this course, the distinction between ‘not me’ and ‘not mine’ has not really been made – they’re generally mentioned at the same time. Is it usual to experience one without the other?”
~ Response by Buddhadāsa Bhikkhu ~
At first we are still stupid, there’s a great deal of ignorance (avijjā). So life is full of self – nothing but attachment, self, selfishness, and dukkha. But then we learn from that attachment and that dukkha, and we become more intelligent until we reach a level that we’ve seen the hassles and troubles of a life full of self, we’ve seen the dukkha of all that attachment. And then we reach the level that can be called ‘the self of wisdom.’ At first there is just the self of ignorance or ‘the stupid self.’ Then we come to a level where there is the wisdom to live life correctly, and this can be called ‘the wise self.’ And then through living correctly further and further, we come to the stage where one sees that nothing is worth clinging to as self – there’s nothing worth taking to be self or regarding as self. This can be called ‘the level of the self which is not-self.’ We can repeat this again: at first there’s the totally ignorant self, the self that is full of dukkha because of attaching to everything. Then there is this self which is half-wise, it has the wisdom to start living correctly in order to really develop, but there is still this feeling, this sense of being self. Then in the end there is the self which is not-self. If we still want to call it a self we need to be clear that this is not really self, it is really not-self. You could say this is the self of perfect wisdom – the self which is not-self. So there’s the self that’s full of dukkha and ignorance, the self that’s half-wise and doesn’t suffer so much, and then there’s the self which is not-self, the self of pure wisdom and no dukkha.
To put it even more simply, at first there was the self which was totally self, one hundred percent self, and then later we only had half a self, then no self at all. When there’s no self at all, then we don’t have to ask questions like this.
(From the retreat “Why the Monkeys Washed out Their Ears,” as translated from the Thai by Santikaro)
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Dhamma Questions & Responses sessions were offered by Buddhadāsa Bhikkhu in 1990-1991 to foreign meditators attending Suan Mokkh International Dharma Hermitage courses.
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