Well-Spoken Words (V)

~ By Ajahn Jayasāro ~

𝗕𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗶𝘁

We are mindful if the other person’s words are (a) relevant to the conversation, and (b) conducive to growth in wholesome or unwholesome mental states. If the other person’s words become diverted into irrelevant or unwholesome topics, we politely bring the conversation back to the matter in hand. We may say something like, “If it’s okay with you, I wonder if we could talk a bit more about …” We do not add our own negative comments if the person we are speaking to starts to denigrate another person behind their back. We don’t join in making fun of others. We don’t acquiesce in expressions of anger or contempt or disrespect towards those of different political or religious beliefs. If the conversation is going round in circles, and is obviously not going to achieve any of its goals, we may suggest ending it, at least for the time being.

𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿

We seek to be aware of the effect upon our judgement of the other person’s appearance, body language and tone of voice. We remind ourselves that a charming, confident, articulate manner is not a guarantee that a person’s words are necessarily true or beneficial. We remind ourselves that a nervous, inarticulate manner is not evidence that the speaker’s words are without weight or significance. If the person’s manner seems aggressive or disrespectful then we need to be clear exactly where our boundaries lie. If the person’s manner is beyond what we consider acceptable then we let them know that we feel uncomfortable and end the conversation. But we are also careful not to let our dislike of the manner in which someone expresses themself lead us to reject words which may be true and beneficial.

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"Food for the Heart", a series of Dhamma teachings handwritten weekly is posted on the Buddhadāsa Indapañño Archives page with Ajahn's kind permission.

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For other teachings by Ven. Ajahn Jayasāro, please visit the Panyaprateep Foundation website.